A Tribute to Being a Woman. On International Women’s Day.
I dedicate this article to my little Sister who celebrates her Birthday today.
Yes, I am borrowing the title from Taylor Swift. And like her, I feel the need to tell my story every now and then.
I give voice to my quiet thoughts.
I love My Dad. If My Love for the Church, Christmas and Music is as tall as me, my Dad’s would touch the sky! And that’s why I have always looked up to him as well as looked forward to joining him in everything.
For me, Christmas is Magical. It’s about loving & being loved and also singing all through December with Family. If I ever find myself cosy, comfortable and welcome somewhere in my life, I would say, “It’s like Christmas!”.
The first year of High School. By then, I was part of the choir. We were One big happy family. I could always taste their beautiful bonds of togetherness from miles away. Even as a kid. Dad and some guys would spare time from their busy work schedules to gather on cold December nights to make our Christmas perfect. They would have fun decorating the church, setting up a real, fresh Christmas Tree, putting up the fairy lights and sipping hot midnight coffee together !
I wanted to do that. 🙂
Another sweet thing to do was the serenading. Going door to door singing carols. Nothing like old Christmas Music to give you that warm glowy feeling. Under the starry sky.
I wanted to do that too. 🙂
I was old enough now. Why can’t I do it?
Because I am a Girl. Did I forget to mention that small detail? Is it important? Do you feel boy or girl in your soul? If we could all take off our bodies like we change out from clothes, and stand face to face as radiant beings, shall we be woman and man? Or just Human?
“I am a Girl. And nights, as beautiful as they might be, are not safe for me.”
Let me tell you again. I love my Dad.
He made sure there was a girls’ group that year. We went carolling at night and certainly, people would have loved our excited giggling “Merry Christmas!” greetings than the grown up versions of the men!
How Heartfelt Christmas Can Be ! 😉
“I don’t mind living in a man’s world,
as long as I can be a woman in it.”
― Marilyn Monroe
I am a Jack of all trades. No, a Jill. It is probably ‘nurture’ rather than ‘nature’ that let me keep a lot of hobbies around for company. My parents did take up the cause I bet!
Not much. Just some average stuff. But it is a joy for me.
- I love to sing. More than wanting to make a dash on stage and dreaming of my own concert, I like to sing to myself, listen to my voice. Kind of a therapy. It is my best stress buster companion. Soothing. Peaceful. And I pray that when I do sing in public, I present a share of my peace to my audience. I am sure I have told you before, peace is my name. Just leave me to my own little musings!
- I am good with pastels. By the time my Art teacher wanted me to move on to water colours or the likes of oil colours, he had discovered something else in me. Patience. Basically my amusement in creating collages. We dug in to work on that. I love it still. Yet it remains my golden rule that all my best works are done with somebody in mind. As a Gift.
- There is a writer in me. Not that I appoint a slot for the activity and then sit down to jot down my next breath-taking article! Definitely NOT. Writing is like a cleansing. Gives me freedom. Liberates me. Makes me lighter so that I can fly. And I write when I feel the call –
- Just the way I read. I relate to the fascination with many interesting books. But, all of them may not be for me. I read the books which call out to me. Books choose their readers. As Wands choose their Masters. It is Magic. 🙂
- I dance a tiny bit. Merely to catch up with the Music of Life. My body is flexible. Owing to nothing I did. I was born this way!
Despite all this, there is one thing I did give up without much of a fight.
I used to take Keyboard lessons when I was in school. Why did I quit? That is the story I buried inside me long ago. Finally, when I did open up to tell my tale, I soon found out my listener was all wrong. That’s for another day!
For now, here is something only one other person on Earth knows about.
I had a dirty Piano instructor. To say it plainly, he was fond of putting his hand under my top and touching my belly and back while I practised. I was a late bloomer. And at the time of these happenings, I was a kid. Really a clueless kid.
If the small fact that I was a girl, even if I am not a fully grown lady, was sufficient for him as an excuse, I don’t know what the world is coming to.
And I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t tell. Anybody. I didn’t even consider that possibility actually. This problem felt so foreign on my tongue that it was unthinkable.
So distant. From what a child is supposed to babble about.
So Far Away from me… was the Truth.
Somehow, I made sure that I eventually stopped going for those disturbing lessons. And those days give me a reference point. My personal Bed Rock.
Buried deep within Every Girl.
The Strength of a Heart which once Bled.
The Courage Instilled in Every Breath…
Years later, I found a guy, whom I believed and perhaps wished with all my heart, to be my soul mate. It was not to be so.
We learn from each relationship. This one was based on a childhood ‘sweetheartship’ ! A tribute to growing up together. Knowing and Sharing all our Memories. It is a Sweet Thing. Yet, not meant for all those who cross paths. I blossomed to a young lady of confidence and boldness under his tutelage. I shed my hopeless introverted awkwardness to wear something that suits me and IS me. In return, I was his shining prize. That reminds him that he is not a loser. And he wasn’t.
He was human. With flaws and all. But Beautiful from the Inside. And that’s how I like it.
I stood by him when he faced his personal demons. I inspired him to root for his own dreams. I let him know (in the classic ‘A Walk to Remember’ style) that he can be anything he wants to be! I stuck up to my lofty philosophies. And to walk my talk, I aimed for the Moon personally.
Little did I realize how biased his perspective was. He didn’t care whether I excelled in my endeavour or not. It was utterly a mad selfish pursuit for him by then. Or that’s what his deeds told me.
Just because I am a woman, my dreams are no less than yours. I deserve to live My Dream. And it is equally painful for me to sacrifice them.
Still, I forgave him. For I loved him. That is the truth no matter how far I flinch back from it. Love made me cover up all his wrongs. Until he shattered me…
I wouldn’t wish upon anybody, the betrayal of watching your loved one morphing into somebody else. In Real Time. Right In front of your Eyes. I would rather get hit by a lightning bolt that comes out of the blue.
My Love took me into the Woods of No Return. The darkness was inside me and everywhere. Too thick for light to penetrate through. I was disgusted by the blood on my hands. Yet, the boy I cared for and protected with my life needed this. I knew it was wrong. Nonetheless, I didn’t have it in me to hurt him. Although he hurt me. I would have lost my battle if I weren’t rescued.
It is a Cruel Thing. Time, that is. It can change people. Or people change with Time. You can put it either way. Depends on whom you wanna blame!
Whatever angle you Choose to gaze from, You fail to glimpse even a Shadow of the One you Once Loved. In the End.
~ ~ ~
There are two books which have shaken me to my core.
I would recommend reading these if you haven’t done so already.
Eve Ensler writes in her play “Vagina Monologues” –
“All the stories began to bleed together. The raping of the Earth. The pillaging of minerals. The destruction of vaginas. They were not separate from each other or from me…
I witnessed the end of the body, the end of humanity, the end of the world.”
The agony of Eve continues to this day. Why is she left to fend for herself in this murderous saga?
Will there be a day when she will no longer be in chains?
Will there be a day when the world speaks out for her??
Yes, I long to see her Arise from the Ashes. Strong and Beautiful.
Like a Phoenix with Golden Feathers, blazing with an intensity Unheard Of.
A Woman With Wings.